What It’s Been

I’m painting a piece on a bright blonde sheet of plywood. It’s one of those paintings that is able to jump out at me and be captured versus me imposing an image. Something natural. So far the strokes are in straightish lines on a gradient scale of blue. The darkest lines meet as oceanic parenthesis and there emerges a toothless skull with hand bones cupped around the ears: a skeleton howling.

Paintings in progress are to be within easy eyesight at my house so that I’m always working on it–if only a little bit. Out of sight, out of mind and whatnot.

So, everyday I see this image in the painting waiting to be brought into the shadows with rich color. I sit down to do my homework, Skeleton’s howling. I come back from doing the dishes, Skeleton’s hallowed eyes are a’lurking. Not quite haunted, but almost.

What I’m saying is, I really want to be painting. And writing. And singing. And planting seeds. And doing push ups. But I don’t have that kind of time these days. Essay after solo after scale degree after essay, this semester had been making an impression upon the crook in my neck. I was stressing. Of course stressing out about things doesn’t make anything better. Of course that really only inhibits your ability. Happy brains work better. Obviously, of course. Because, duh. And I knew that. But I was doing it somehow anyway. Letting myself down and beating myself up. Yeah, fuck that.

Getting over a little cough, too.

Just saying.

Yesterday I had a major piano click moment. Sploosh! Somehow there’s a new level of comfort in my fingers and they are keen to play. And I realized, too, that I’ve officially gotten my money’s worth out of my music classes so far. The question that I had when I began college has been answered and that’s badass considering the challenges so far. And it’s mind-bottling to consider I’m only two semesters deep. Yipes!

That said, I’m having a lovely time. People have a way of brightening the world.

We shine.


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