The Lady is a Vamp

First listen to this song:

Then imagine a plain, boring dresser [cough, cough looking at you IKEA Goliat]. This piece, like my dresser, was inherited when Butterfly went overseas. It’s a particle board ordeal, so I didn’t want to risk sanding so I removed the hardware and primed it like so.

lame goliat

It took me all of three minutes to decide that deep, sexy, plum was the color of choice here. But for some reason the paint wouldn’t stick in a few spots.

the lady is a vamp

Weird, right? I went over a couple more times until it was perfect. After it dried it was time to attach my beautiful new fixtures. Unfortunately [meaning I cursed for a full five minutes] the moment the new handle touched the paint it scratched off. And, to add insult to injury, I screwed them in and then they magically just wouldn’t screw anymore. No mas!

are you kidding me?!

This upset me, but like the song says, I just won’t be defeated. So I got out my gorilla glue. I wish I could say that I didn’t know what would happen, but I’ve used it before. I know gorilla glue expands three to four times its size. But, no, these handles were going to stay. Look at this mess!

seriously?!

Bah, I say! My sexy vamp purple goddess was not gonna go out like that. I yoinked a razor blade from somewhere and got to scraping. I got most of it off, but there was no hope for a clean-looking finish. My next best hope was for a good distraction. Enter lace.

glue that lace in place

I used spray adhesive to make it stay and cut wee slits for the handles to slip through. Boom. Picking the accent color was harder. I have a great lilacy purple that would’ve played up the purple, but I ultimately went with black. This is, after all, a distraction technique.

hawt

Isn’t she darling?! I’ll tell ya. The lady is a vamp. She’s a vixen, not tramp. She’s the top of the top she’s the best. Yes!

[Minus ten cool points if you know what song I’m talking about, ha!]

But that’s not all folks. Like the dresser, I lined each drawer with black self-adhesive contact paper so each drawer is smooth and crisp. I only did the bottom, though, so I could still peep my stickers.

message from john

Sorry for the blurry pictures. I swear they looked better at the time. Granted, at the time there was a metric fuckton of sawdust everywhere. So…you know.

done!

Oh! You love, yes?

success

Success? Can you tell? You can tell? I can tell, too. But, I don’t care. It ultimately looks better and like I said, I just won’t be defeated.

xoxo,

Sunshine!

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5 thoughts on “The Lady is a Vamp

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