I’m not taking psychology this quarter, no, but I’ve heard tell that when you do, you take in so much information about pathology that you begin to find symptoms within yourself where there were none before. I experienced something similar when I took psychology in high school except it was springtime in Florida so I was equally concerned that I wasn’t spending enough time in a bikini.
No, this quarter I’m taking biological anthropology, sociology and math in society, and it’s proving to be quite the load. The good news is after this quarter I get to marry Matt and live happily ever after. Well, ever after for the summer quarter I’ll be off school. Until then it’s hell on wheels, y’all. Ugh.
On top of it all there’s something changing inside of me. Or, at least, there’s something thinking about trying to wriggle free of… Something.
The more I learn about sociology, about the workings of society and how unevenly the wealth is distributed in this country and beyond, the more I feel unsurprised by terrorist attacks, jaded by the squalor, and furthermore incapable of cowering in fear. Part of me thinks I’m aiming too low in life [considering how much I’ve been given to work with]. I look at my Life List and I think, pshaw! You want to own a robe? Aim a little higher, could you? Other times I look at it and think, I can’t afford to go to the doctor, there’s no way I’m going to New Zealand any time soon. Still, another part of me chastises the true Aquarian dreamer who, when faced with the [self-imposed] challenge of scribing a list of everything I’d like to accomplish would say anything about New Zealand without first mentioning the fact that I don’t have a passport.
Am I going crazy or does this happen to everyone?
Sometimes I think that if I were put in a position of authority I might do some good. Certainly, I would arrive with a purse full of good intentions [and band aids and chapstick and a colorful array of Pilot Precise V5 clickable pens, cause that’s how I roll…prepared], but could I change the world for the better? Is it possible? Just before I moved to Seattle I had this recurring dream wherein the world had grown tired of the “samo” political scenarios and decided to elect a president who wasn’t a candidate. Almost like a lottery. Anyway, all of a sudden I’m president and I made some key changes. Granted, this was a recurring dream so some things would change, but here’s what I can remember:
Politics as we know it devolve into reality television. So I’m president, but there’s a camera chasing me around like a Kardashian and because I’m so excitable and naive, the world is fully entertained as I learn to lead a free people. There are some good speeches, too. At one point I call a meeting with the ten richest, wealthiest Americans and ask them to give me money for a healthcare initiative. “In our past, being the bravest might have meant standing up to colonializin’ oppressors, or conquering even ourselves to guarantee freedom for all despite race, but today the task set in front of you is writing the check that helps those less fortunate. Does this money mean you’ll go broke or that your nation will forget you? No. What it means is we will be able to kickstart a change unlike any the world has seen. And it’s scary to give away so much, but when last I checked we lived in the land of the free and home of the motherfucking brave.”
In one incarnation of this dream I move all of the major political world from Washington D.C. to Seattle, Washington. And not just because marijuana is legal here, I swear. Fringe benefit at the beginning, but I totally end up legalizing it for everyone. Marijuana farming and management bring jobs and peace. In another one I lowered all government official salaries to $50,000 [including my own as president] and raised all teachers salaries up to $75,000. I wanted our schools to be filled with teachers who were stress-free, well-paid and afforded more planning time for their lessons.
I made some enemies, you could imagine.
Anyway, my point is this class is making me feel like I either need to aim way higher or way lower, like everything is passing me by and there’s nothing I can do because I’m small and, yet, I am the master of my domain. What sense does it make?
I don’t know. Here’s a very accurate picture of me doing my homework.